Wednesday, December 21, 2011

So Proud

Last night was the second annual A-Hole cruise/party. Unsurprisingly, it went a lot like last year's outing, which means it was rather entertaining. Last year my photo challenge was dealing with a lot of closed eyes. This year, I got that plus a strange amount of middle fingers (including my own). What would you expect really; we're all a bunch of a**holes. All aboard!

Wasn't long before the bar was open.

Hey it's Layla and the 3 Frenchmen!

We had about 40 people on board. There were supposed to be a few more, but well you know what the no-shows are called.

It was a little nippy out there. I was cozying up to Derek and hoping he wasn't going to be nominating me later.

The next thing we knew we were mooring and looking at the twinkling lights of Basseterre.

Uh oh. That meant it was time for the main event. Now normally, I'd put up the video and you'd all get to follow along. But NoooOOOooooo. The video is blurred as expected, but worse the sound is just static. Static!!! Hrmph. Oh well, it's probably just as well. Luckily, Michael was shooting still photos while I taped. I also have Derek's notes, so I'm going to give you the many faces of Derek as he called out the 5 nominees.

The audience was certainly having fun.

First up was last year's "winner." You'll note he got into trouble for not wearing his a-hole t-shirt. Overall though, Dave kept such a low profile this year that Derek said people had to keep calling him to make sure he was ok.

Then there was Kathy, our first female nominee and who turned out to be one of the no-shows. It seems she was home getting her oven fixed (and no, that's not code for anything). Why was she singled out? Well, after spending all day at a certain beach bar she suddenly screamed that she had lost her keys. It's important to note that she had a purse larger than the bag Popcorn took on a 4-week vacation. In her panic, she flipped her bag out onto the floor, shocking witnesses at what came out of the thing - both mentionable and unmentionables. After sifting through the mountain of stuff, she threw the bag and a clear Ziploc bag onto the bar and took off toward the beach before it got too dark to see anything. Everyone on their hands and knees feeling around in the sand. Nothing. She starts calling people asking if they accidentally took off with her keys. Nope. Another check of the purse paraphernalia and a grab of the Ziploc and lo and behold, there were the keys.  Clear as day in the front of the Ziploc bag.  My favorite story though was her going to the gas pump and being told by the attendant (yes, they still pump your gas here) that her filler cap was on the other side. She was asked to bring the car around and agreed. Can you guess what she did? She just drove around to the other side of the pumps. I'm guessing that the attendant decided to just pull the hose way out and around. Why fight it?

We were then lectured that a-holes could be identified in many ways, one of them being an "I love beer so much I don't know when to stop" a-hole and an example and subsequent nominee of such an animal would be Steve. Guess which of the three he is.

Although shown here with just one beer, Steve tends to end up with more than one (sometimes more than 2) in play at any one time and is never satisfied until the table is covered in Carib bottles. Easily remedied, of course.

Even Popcorn, who's contrived this event and is on the "board" got a thump. You'll note that Derek is saying "What an arsehole!" in this photo. Actually, most of us were saying it.

I think Popcorn deserves the award just for wearing t-shirts like these.

He actually got the nod because of an incident involving the visiting British High Consul. Popcorn picked the HC up in what Derek called his "white clapped-out limousine" (very funny if you've ever seen this junker) for a quick drink. It was important that the HC get back to the hotel by 7pm as he had a dinner engagement. As they were leaving the bar on the southwest peninsula, one tire got punctured and went flat, but Popcorn continued to drive all the way up Timothy Hill anyway worried about the time. Of course, by the time he got up there, it was really time to pull over, so Popcorn did just that and called Derek to get the HC back to his hotel asap. The following morning, Popcorn took a 5am walk with his pooch to the car planning to change his tire. Except that he couldn't get the lug nuts off. Preparing to call Derek to the rescue again, he discovered that he'd left his phone at home. That meant another looong, hot walk home. I'm not sure that qualifies as an arsehole as much as an airhead, but I'll go with it.

Then Everton Mike got a well-earned shout out.

His offense? He had to take his driving test three times. Once, he was drunk (from the night before). FAIL. The 2nd time went much like the first. FAIL. The third time was the charm. I'm not sure who's scarier on the road, E Mike or Popcorn. If that wasn't enough though, he later put his car in drive instead of reverse and ended up straddling a bush on the golf course - wheels off the ground/car couldn't move. The police came and simply drove him home (!). They've seen it all before... 

The winner?

You'll note Bin Dipper was nominated last year too...Why this year? Pretty much the same reasons as last. Speaking of bad driving skills...I'm still amazed at the story of him getting lost on the peninsula (which is pretty much one road). He was late meeting friends and when they called to ask where he was he said he didn't know. They asked him what he could see and he said "sand and sea." It was also raining where he was, which meant he wasn't too far from his friends so they slowly deduced that he had somehow turned down the new (short) road to Carambola and had gotten discombobulated. He's also placed several SOS calls to folks while stranded at various establishments usually due to drunken foolishness. Every call is more ammunition for an occasion such as this one. Note to self - if I get into trouble, call no one...I am also reminded to stay off the roads after 6 pm as these lunatics are out there.

There was no way to write this post without making everyone sound like a bunch of alch-y's, scatterbrains, or bad drivers, but of course such behavior is why they were all nominated (the rest of us embarrass ourselves in more private settings).  This kind of thing has me thinking about writing a Caribbean soap opera for my next project.

With the official duties out of the way, it was now time to dance.

You'll note I was being sandwiched here, with a pole in the midst, no less. Jeez.

There are pictures of people's eyes and hands where they shouldn't be and all kinds of debauchery (although not as bad as last year), but I think I'll keep those to myself. You never know when you might need such things for leverage one day. Angry smile

If that wasn't enough, we headed back to the Shiggidy Shack where a visiting Anguillan band offered to play a set or two. The three-some called the British Dependency gave us some funky reggae. Groovy.

Onto more wholesome fare:  For those of you with kids on the island, Reggae Beach is hosting Santa again this year - on December 24th. Parents who are interested in having their children receive a gift from old Saint Nick are asked to deliver their gifts to Smoke & Booze (Frigate Bay location, near Marriott -  Smoke & Booze? Kids gifts??!!). All gifts should be delivered by Thursday 22nd by 12 noon. Make sure that the child's name is taped securely to the present(s). The gift should be small enough to fit into Santa's bag of goodies. After Santa spreads Christmas cheer on the beach, Reggae will have a Christmas Buffet. Only $45.00EC (about $17US) for adults, and $22.00 EC for children. For more information and to make reservations, call 762-5050/5051.