Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday Frivolity

Here's an update on the last post about the NHC yellow circle around some thunderstorms off to our east. There's still an NHC yellow circle around some thunderstorms off to our east. If you're wondering what that means. It means that it may or may not rain. This may or may not happen Saturday night, Sunday or Monday. That about sums it up (if you want more, you can always go to my entry on StormCarib - I'm everywhere!).

That's corny, snicker :-)
The St. Kitts Music Festival is on and should have a full house tonight. Reggae Friday! Saturday is full of helping our friends get ready to leave us forever (whaa - we might sabotage them), and then Sunday we've got a hike planned to a waterfall that's supposed to come right out from a cliff (out not over). You can see that I'm rooting for the rain on Monday forecast, and am in fact, rooting for rain (1 day only!). We need it.

Ready for some Friday frivolity? This was on Positively Inclined's Facebook page and made me laugh because too often it's true.

(Well, she's angry anyway; mad is debatable)

And as you know I love cats. I'm not sure who posted this, but I'm pretty sure my cat, Zura edited it.


That lead me to a few more rules (I took what I thought was the best from this list):


Doors

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer it with forepaws. [And look forlornly at human if one is available; if not yowl until one materializes]

Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Guests

Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that lap.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select fabric which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white-furred cats go to black wool clothing. Note: Velvet takes precedence over all other cloth. [Although is someone's wearing velvet, they deserve it]

For the guest who exclaims, "I love kitties!" be ready with aloof disdain, apply claws to stockings or arms, or use a quick nip on the ankle.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit there and stare.

Hampering

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping" otherwise known is "hampering." Some rules:
  1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
  2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. [Same for computer/laptop work.]
  3. For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner to obscure the maximum amount. Pretend to dose but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. Sit on the paperwork they are working on. Roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. Embroidery and needlepoint make great hammocks.
  4. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her be sure to jump at the back of the paper. They love surprises.
  5. Dart out quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs; when they have something in their arms; in the dark; and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
  6. When a human is attempting to "make the bed," hop on it and curl up in the middle, or pounce on the sheet the human is trying to rearrange. If the human tries to ignore you by covering you with the sheets, move around and try to mess things up. Protest loudly when you're evicted.
  7. Laundry presents many opportunities to hamper. Laundry fresh from the dryer is a perfect bed, since it is warm and soft. As soon as it is put down for sorting, arrange yourself for a nap. If the human removes you, keep returning until the laundry isn't warm anymore. Now it's playtime. Pounce on anything the human tries to move around for folding, especially socks and nylons. For added fun, grab a sock and hide under the bed with it.
Play

This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. It is important though to maintain one's Dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I MEANT to do that!" It fools those humans every time.

Toys

Any small item. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means it is a Valuable Toy. Run with it under the bed. Look outraged when the human takes it away. Watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets.

Food

Eating is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed "NOW"; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.
  • When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
  • The best times to inform humans of your dish's emptiness are when they are unable to ignore you, such as when they are sleeping or on the toilet.
Sleeping Humans

It is known that sleeping humans are boring. The "direct approach" is nearly always successful in rejuvenating a dormant human. Do one of the following:

Trample, purr, meow, [paw in the face with one nail out, silently stare], or head-butt. If the human is being stubborn, you may have to resort to more drastic tactics, such as ripping down posters, rattling blinds, or singing at the top of your voice. Eventually the human will get up and do what you want, usually in a disgruntled manner.

Illness

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is longer then a human's bare foot.



If you have a cat (or ever have) you know every word of it is true.  Now have a nice weekend.